Family law - Frequently Answered Questions»

 

Divorce | Children

Divorce/Separation

• My marriage has broken down - what should I do?

  Firstly, it is absolutely vital that you make a decision that your marriage has broken down irretrievably. At times of high emotional stress it is possible to take a knee-jerk reaction which you could end up regretting in the future. It is difficult to turn back once divorce proceedings have been issued. We would certainly wish to seek to establish that you have considered some form of marriage conuselling - i.e. a referral to Relate.

• If I see a Solicitor, I fear that I will lose control and everything will become a fight.

  An experienced Family Law Solicitor will try to resolve your matters by discussion and negotiation. Generally, Court proceedings should only be issued as a last resort, as the Court process tends to cause disruption to the family, be divisive, upsetting for the children and expensive. Nothing should stop you discussing matters with your spouse if that is appropriate in the hopes that you could reach agreements between you both, in which case you Solicitor can then be used to simply process the agreement into a legal document.

• What if I cannot reach an agreement direct with my spouse?

  The following options would be available to you:-

  • Referral to mediation - This involved you holding face-to-face meetings with your spouse in the presence of a Mediator.

    A Mediator's job is to facilitate a settlement which you reach with your spouse. The mediator does not give legal advice and therefore, before and during Mediation, it is essential that you have already taken legal advice and understand what you are agreeing to.

    Mediation can only work if you can negotiate with your spouse on a level playing field - i.e. you do not feel dominated or threatened.

  • Negotiation - the traditional approach whereby a solicitor attempts to achieve a settlement by corresponding with your spouse, or their legal representative

  • Through Court proceedings. - necessary if your spouse is being unco-operative and/or an agreement cannot be reached, thereby needing the Court's intervention.

  • The Collaborative Process - this is where you try to resolve your issues via a number of roundtable meetings with you, your Solicitor and your spouse and their solicitor

    This is a new concept which allows you to have the benefit of your own independent legal advice whilst enabling you to stay in control, to set the agenda and talk about the things that matter mosty to you and the family. You maintain contact with your spouse and in that way, have the best chance of understanding each other and finding the right solution. For couples who genuinely seek a fair solution and want to minimise the pain of family breakdown, it may offer the very best way ahead.

    Your solicitor has to be a trained Collaborative Lawyer, we have solicitors qualified in Collaborative Family Law who advise if this process is right for you.

 

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Children

• I left my wife last month. I know she is hurt but I cannot understand why she is refusing to allow me proper contact with my children. What can I do?

  There is no perfect answer to this situation, especially not in the short-term. Your wife is likely to be suffering from emotional turmoil and may want to try to 'get even'.

  Ultimately, it is imperative that you separate you own differences from issues relating to your children. What will be the best for the children will be for them to see their parents getting along and have good contact with both of you.

• I separated from my wife two years ago still don't have proper contact with my children, what can I do?

  This can be a very difficult situation to overcome, embroiled with bitterness and animosity. Obtaining the advice of an experienced family solicitor would provide you with a full understanding of your likely rights and entitlements. They are likely to try and arrange mediation with your wife. Under such heated circumstances, having independent legal advice allows the matter to be disputed on a less emotional level, making it less stressful for all parties and obtaining a more rapid resolution.

• What is in the best interest of the children?

  Dispute between parents is never easy for the children to understand. One of our highly experienced family solicitors suggests the following approach with the children, based on his experience in the field

  • Inform your children jointly of the decision to separate
  • Avoid blame - emphasize that it is not their fault and that both parents love them equally
  • Inform them that their life will be different but do not give them choices - it is the parents' job to decide
  • Make sure that realise the are free to love each parent as before - separate your feelings from the children's feelings - do not confuse your child by belittling or criticising the absent parent.
  • Expect your child to play one parent off against the other of even to take sides - do not hold what they say against them.
  • For contact arrangements - make them clear to the children and make them regular - children like routines.
  
  

  Above all, treat Solicitor and Court intervention as a measure of last resort. Some cases require Solicitors to negotiate on the parents' behalf and/or the benefit of a Court Order to regulate contact but try desperately hard to sort difficulties out direct with your ex-partner. The children will benefit most if you are successful.

For more information contact:
Julian Hunt - jbh@dwl.uk.com

 

 

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